Caring for the Weary Mind, Part 3

This post is part of an accidental series on taking intentional care of our minds.  Click here for Part 1 and here for Part 2.

I didn't really intend for this to become a series, but it seems to be a theme, and I think it's worth mentioning.  I have got to take care of my mind - for my own health, for the health of my family, and to be a good steward of the mind that God has given me.

Just as I drank fluids to heal from the stomach flu or refrained from lifting anything too heavy after giving birth, my mind must be cared for to return to a state of health.

One major way I care for my mind is to avoid unhealthy stress.  I do preventative work by not overcommitting and not becoming too busy.  Or, more accurately, I should do that preventative work.

My Weekend with OCD

OCD: a lifetime condition with seasonal intensity requiring daily maintenance.

It's the daily maintenance part that I've failed with most recently.  I haven't been exercising consistently, our schedule has been way too busy, I haven't gotten enough sleep, I've been stressed...and I made the mistake of scratching that OCD itch.  I gave in, checked, prayed one more time, etc., etc., etc., and the result was a holiday weekend with anxiety woven throughout.

SATURDAY
My husband loves to spend time with our kids, and he took our oldest son out in the afternoon to do a fun activity.  The plan was for him to come back to pick up our middle son after he woke up from his nap, and then he would be back in time to order pizza for a family dinner.  The afternoon wore on, and they never returned to pick up our 2nd son.  6:00 came and went with still no sign of them.  I called multiple times, no answer.  I texted, no response.  My mind immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion (a habit of mine) - I was afraid that they had been in an accident and were dead, I was going to have to raise the two other kids by myself, I would have to figure out how to provide for them, and how would I live without them?!?!?!?!  FINALLY I received a message that they were on their way home.  Turns out that they were in a place where he had zero cell reception, so his phone did not work.  The lump in my throat from the fear I had lost both of them stayed long after I knew they were safe.

Unplugged

I've never been a big fan of screen time, especially for my kids.  The TV is only on if someone is watching it, and kid-time on the tablet is an end-of-the-day reward for good behavior.  TV shows are limited, and computer time is non-existent for the kids in our house.  I don't really watch TV during the day, and I try to be very available for my kids as we spend our days together.  It's not that I think that screen time itself is a bad thing, but it's very easy for us to get out of balance and lose sight of our relationships and responsibilities as a result of too much screen time.

So I basically do okay with limiting screen time, except when it comes to my phone.  I (like most people) am very dependent on the black hole otherwise known as my phone.  The information that is literally at my fingertips can distract me in a way that is unhealthy.  Like when my son is trying to talk to me and I just want to look at Facebook.  Or when I really should be making dinner, but I would rather read an online article instead.  I don't totally ignore my relationships or responsibilities, I just don't give them my full attention if I'm doing something on my phone, which is more often than I like.

What do you do to thrive?

This is a busy month for us.  In fact, it's probably the busiest month we've had since my daughter was born in August and I had a postpartum mental illness relapse starting in November.

And since increased stress can lead to increased mental health struggles...I'm doing my best to keep that stress level down.  To be a good steward of this life and mind (and family!) that God has given me.

It's funny, because the scheduled activities that actually make this a busy month aren't even the things that are causing stress.  Here is a snapshot of what's been going on this week (along with how I've also seen God's sustaining grace throughout):

Busyness, Stress, and Mental Health

I'm what you might call a task-driven person.  I love being with people, too, but I also love getting things done, experiencing accomplishment, crossing items off the list.  The tasks are good, even, but they can become a problem when I become too busy.  Because (for me) busyness leads to stress, and stress leads to increased anxiety and OCD.

NOTE: Many people can handle commitments and busyness that I cannot.  I used to be one of those people, then I had my third kid.  She totally changed things.

This week was extra busy, so I shouldn't have been surprised when yesterday afternoon was filled with high anxiety.  Or when scrupulosity trigger thoughts bombarded me this morning.  

Sleep? What's that?!

Getting babies to sleep when you want them to can be nearly impossible.  In fact, TONS of advice exists on the topic, which can be completely confusing for new (and veteran) parents.  (See "I Read All the Baby Sleep Books," a hilarious illustration of this conflicting advice.)

It is with this understanding that I broach the topic of sleep training.  According to What to Expect (admittedly probably not the most accurate source) and my own past experience, healthy babies are able to sleep through the night well before they are 8 months old, which is the age of my daughter.  Unfortunately, she is most definitely not sleeping through the night.

Avoiding Stress

Stress.  Literally anything can be stressful, especially to those of us who struggle with mental health.  We can find things stressful that "normal" people may find relaxing.  And if something actually is stressful for most people, sometimes we feel it much more intensely which can make our mental suffering worse.

This weekend, my oldest son is a ring bearer in an out-of-state wedding, and we are leaving tomorrow morning.  We get to spend a couple of nights in a hotel (with a pool!), eat out, and be together as a family.  A mini-vacation, which I'm really looking forward to.


What is there to be stressed about?

A stressful shopping trip with preschoolers.  Since I'm not part of the professional world much anymore, I don't have a lot of dressy clothes.  I went in search of a dress this morning to wear to the wedding.  Even with another adult for backup, the trip was still stressful.  That three-year-old of mine...let's just say it was an experience.  Not a good one.  He continued to run and be very - VERY - loud after being asked to stop, and, frankly, I had to parent him.  He did NOT like me ruining his fun.  There were many tears (his), lots of loud "put me down!"s, and several minutes spent with him sitting on the floor (contamination really isn't an obsession of mine either - at least for now; we all know how those can change).

Side note: We went to the Salvation Army (good stuff cheap!), and I was able to find three dresses.

All that it takes to leave for a few days.  Packing can be quite the task.  Plus cleaning the house so there are no weird smells when we get home (ugh, those dirty dishes).  A several-hour-long road trip with three young kids.

A five-year-old in a wedding.  What if he throws a fit and doesn't make it down the aisle?  What if something happens to his suit before the wedding?  What if he refuses to do what he is supposed to do?

A very short amount of alone time this afternoon.  Instead of getting my alone time during naps today (a necessity for my introverted self), I cleaned out the minivan because it SO needed it.  If you have little kids, you understand why it seemed to take FOREVER.  Those unidentifiable little pieces of food, dog hair from the previous owner's pet (seriously?!), milk spots which somehow spilled out of cups with lids...clearly my OCD has not yet attacked keeping things clean.  :)

My to-do list for the rest of the day.  Laundry, pack for everyone but my husband, take a shower, figure out what shoes I'm going to wear, look up things to do in the location we'll be visiting, fill up the van with gas, get all of the dishes done and put away, find a gift for my nephew's birthday party which is the morning after we return home, get my 3-year-old's thank you notes from his birthday together for the relatives we will see at the wedding, catch up on our finances so I know how much we can spend while we're gone, figure out what to do with the dog...yeah, I should have planned ahead better.


Didn't you think ahead at all?

Yes, of course.  On some things.

I booked a hotel room weeks ago for two nights.  Originally we were going to only stay one night in a hotel due to finances, but things were going to be super rushed, and what five-year-old would do well in a wedding after being stuck in a car for five-and-a-half hours earlier that day?  We decided to stay two nights.

My mom is riding with us.  Three kids to three adults.

My son's ring bearer outfit is totally ready.  This may sound like a no-brainer...of course you would have the ring bearer's outfit figured out ahead of time, right?  Well, as an OCD struggler, sometimes I have the tendency to not think through things well because of all the other activity in my brain...but not this time!

I'm doing my best not to let the stress get to me.  Because I would really love to ENJOY this weekend with my family and not be stressed or trapped in the clutch of OCD.


Related resources on stress and mental health:

Fact Sheet on Stress - National Institute of Mental Health

"How Stress Affects Your Mental Health" - Forbes

How Stress Affects Your Health - American Psychological Association



How do you avoid stress?  Any tips to share?