Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Another Hard Day

Today has been a hard day.  Again.  No matter what I try, I think that this time maybe this mental illness - OCD, anxiety, and depression - will get better.  Maybe reducing stress will help.  Maybe getting more sleep.  Maybe only focusing on one thing at a time.  Maybe I should stay off caffeine.  Maybe I should drink caffeine.  Maybe I need a hobby.  Should I work more?  Work less?  What will make this go away?  And, yet...it continues to plague me.  Unwanted trigger thoughts continue to come.  Some I can let go of, others nudge me toward certain compulsions - asking God for forgiveness over and over.  Checking to make sure that the baby's collar isn't too tight as she sleeps.  Hyper-focusing on existential things - like time or language - and trying to figure out how they work.  Ruminating on certain thoughts.

Who am I?

  • a Christ-follower and redeemed child of God
  • a wife to a very understanding and loving husband
  • a mom under 40 of three young kids
  • a mental illness sufferer: a tormenting and, at times, debilitating combination of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), general anxiety, and depression
Why a blog?

The purpose of this blog is twofold.  I'm hoping that it will help me on my journey through mental illness as a Christian, and that it will also help you as a reader - either as someone who struggles with mental illness yourself, or as someone who knows a fellow struggler.

Join me, friend, as we traverse the complicated road of the combination of mental illness and Christianity and discover that even difficult minds can be made beautiful.