Caring for the Weary Mind, Part 3

This post is part of an accidental series on taking intentional care of our minds.  Click here for Part 1 and here for Part 2.

I didn't really intend for this to become a series, but it seems to be a theme, and I think it's worth mentioning.  I have got to take care of my mind - for my own health, for the health of my family, and to be a good steward of the mind that God has given me.

Just as I drank fluids to heal from the stomach flu or refrained from lifting anything too heavy after giving birth, my mind must be cared for to return to a state of health.

One major way I care for my mind is to avoid unhealthy stress.  I do preventative work by not overcommitting and not becoming too busy.  Or, more accurately, I should do that preventative work.

Negative Authenticity

Authentic honesty with others is so important.  God created us for relationship with Himself and grace and healing happen when we share honestly in community.  God is honored through our authenticity.

There is a way, however, in which authenticity can be twisted to not honor God.  When our motives are bad, for instance.  Gossiping, even if it's true.  Sharing in order to boost our pride or gather pity through being negatively authentic.  This last reason, I think, is the one that I've been struggling with recently in the way I talk about my kids.

Being a parent is without a doubt the hardest job I've ever had.  (For one reason this is true, click here.)  Never in my life have I consistently seen the height of my selfishness or my need for humility.  I've learned what it truly means to be a servant leader, even though I fail at this on a very consistent basis.  I've been forced to simplify the way I verbalize my beliefs so that a toddler can understand (still working on this, too).  It's not bad to talk about how hard parenting is, but a few things have happened lately that highlight what has become my habit of negative authenticity.

Caring for the Weary Mind

Exhaustion.  Sleep-deprivation.  Limitations.  All unwelcome side effects of mental illness, especially during a slump (I'm currently coming out of my 4th slump since November).

Sometimes adding life to mental illness breeds some of that exhaustion and those limitations.  Yesterday was one of those days.

• It was Monday, so I was back to being the only parent home during the day to manage these three kiddos while my husband is at work.
• My cousin's wife came over to go through my maternity/baby boy clothes, which was great, but that meant that:
• I had to have the house presentable - lots of deep cleaning that was necessary, but also lots of work.
• She stayed for most of the kids' naptime, so I didn't get nearly enough alone time to recharge (more about being an introvert below).
• I took all three kids grocery shopping right when they woke up from naps.  
• We got home to a surprise visit from my brother-in-law and two nephews (4 and 1).
• I cooked part of dinner last night which I hadn't planned on.
• I walked with a friend I hadn't connected with in awhile after dinner.
• I had a not-so-restful night due to eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream before bed (bad idea), feeding the baby in the wee hours of the morning, and an unusually early wake up call from the baby who was more than ready to start her day.

As a freshman in college, I took the Myers-Briggs assessment.  I was shocked when the results showed that I was almost right down the middle introvert/extrovert.  I would have put myself as way, way, WAY extroverted, probably because I compulsively filled my time (you can read more about my OCD struggle with time here).  Most of that time was spent with others DOING stuff.  

But the older I get, the more I see that the results were right.  I am an introvert.  I think having kids (and losing any personal space I once thought I had) brought out my true personality more.   

I can easily get overloaded, especially with a day like yesterday.  So I decided to take today off.  Not off from my responsibilities.  I'm still taking care of the kids, making dinner, straightening up the house, doing the dishes, and cleaning up potty training messes (ugh).  Rather, I took off from rushing around trying to accomplish things, that frantic scramble that I can so easily fall in to.

Instead, I've taken it easy today.  

• We took our time getting ready this morning.  
• I made pancakes for breakfast.  
• I watched a couple of shows with the boys.  
• We went for a leisurely walk.  
• I picked up some light reading from a friend (I've been reading Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas and TrueFaced by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and John Lynch - although interesting, this is NOT light reading; Karen Kingsbury and Mary Higgins Clark are more what I need!).  
• I'm protecting this naptime by not answering my phone.  
• I'm meeting a friend for coffee tonight sans kids.  
• I'll be able to relax with my husband after the kids go to bed - watch some TV or a movie.  

Today, I'm taking care of my weary body and mind.

What are some things that you do to take care of yourself?  I'd love to hear!

Hard Days

Mornings are Hard
The last three days have been hard.  I mean, really hard - especially the mornings.  I'm not sure why mornings are generally harder for me, but they most certainly are.

It might have something to do with having the whole day in front of me and the uncertainty of what will happen - whether or not I'll struggle, events of the day, etc.

Or it could be that being the only person responsible for the kids for the majority of the day while my husband works can also be overwhelming.  Being a stay-at-home mom is exactly what I want to do, but when you throw mental illness in to the mix, things that should be easy just sometimes aren't.

Or it could be that we have chosen not to be a busy family.  Growing up, I stayed compulsively busy (read more about my relationship with time and OCD here) to a fault.  It wasn't healthy.

Sleep? What's that?!

Getting babies to sleep when you want them to can be nearly impossible.  In fact, TONS of advice exists on the topic, which can be completely confusing for new (and veteran) parents.  (See "I Read All the Baby Sleep Books," a hilarious illustration of this conflicting advice.)

It is with this understanding that I broach the topic of sleep training.  According to What to Expect (admittedly probably not the most accurate source) and my own past experience, healthy babies are able to sleep through the night well before they are 8 months old, which is the age of my daughter.  Unfortunately, she is most definitely not sleeping through the night.

Moms Don't Get Sick Days

We've had so many illnesses run through our house since mid-February.  The stomach flu (three times).  Pink eye.  Hand foot and mouth disease (how did the baby get that?!).  A crazy long super-cold.

And before today, I hadn't caught much of anything.  But then that dreaded flu hit me this morning.

It happened just at the right time, about two hours before my husband had to leave for work.  He was able to get the kids up and ready for the day (including breakfast) and make lunch ahead of time for them so I wouldn't have to think about it.  I was able to get some much needed sleep and a shower.

Since I can't hardly stand not being outside when it's so nice out (in the 80's today!), we spent some more time outdoors this morning (see post from yesterday).  NOTE: Had I felt way worse, I totally would have put the kids in front of the TV while I laid on the couch.

Joy

Isn't it nice when we can enjoy life despite struggling with mental illness?  As I've mentioned in previous posts, there are specific things I do to help combat my OCD, anxiety, and depression.  This afternoon, our family hiked and picnicked at a local nature preserve which hit several of my coping techniques.


I spent time outside in the sun.
I feel SO MUCH BETTER when I get regular time outside, especially if the sun is shining.  Since it was such a mild winter, I was still able to get outside almost every day, but I can't be the only one who's excited that it's finally sunny and in the 70's.  I even got some color (red is a color, right?!).  :)

Beauty in Frustration

Sometimes things don't feel beautiful.  

Like right now (after midnight) when the 8-month-old is crying again and not learning this whole self soothing trick like I want her to.

Or when a kid vomits in the van for the second time in three days.

Or when someone falls out of bed and hits his head on a piece of furniture.  The immediate goose egg, frantic call to the pediatrician, and checking him through the night do not feel beautiful.

Or when I wake up in the morning counting the hours until nap time because I'm so exhausted from being up with the baby.

Or when a preschooler pulls the stopper in the sink drain, turns the water on, and floods the bathroom.

Baby Kisses and Joy

Baby girl is at my favorite stage of babyhood - almost 8 months old.  She (mostly) sleeps through the night, isn't quite crawling, is very expressive and loves to interact with people.  She's trying to figure things out - words, eating solid foods (she barely tolerates them), and grasping things with her chubby little hands.  But one of the best things that she has started doing is doling out sweet mouth-wide-open kisses that leave all manner of slobber on my cheek.  Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of difficulty, this simple, best little gesture in the world can bring me so much joy.

What have you found brings you joy in the midst of suffering?  

But I'm a teacher - why is homeschooling my kids so hard?!

Teaching is my passion.  I love relating to students and facilitating their learning.  I earned two degrees in education, successfully taught middle school for six years, and founded a popular after-school girls' character education program.  I've presented at teaching professional development sessions and directed a professional development program for teachers.  I currently teach at the college level.

With all that passion and experience, teaching my own kids should be a breeze, right?  Yeah, not so much.

I started preschool with my oldest son a couple of years ago, and the mistakes were numerous:

1. Turns out there is a BIG difference between teaching one subject five times a day to 7th graders and teaching my own three-year-old how to read.  Classroom management is way easier than home/kid-raising/homeschool management.
2. I looked in all the wrong places for a short list of academic standards for preschoolers.  I eventually found the Typical Course of Study standards from World Book that were much more useful.  
3. I looked at Pinterest.  So many awesome (and overwhelming and overcomplicating) activities to do with him!

And then there is the mental illness.  There is no way I can possibly educate my three children at home well when I struggle with OCD, anxiety, and depression (says my brain).  Wouldn't it be better for them to go to school and learn from someone else?  Wouldn't it be healthier for them to learn from someone who doesn't struggle with mental illness?  Am I doing them a disservice by selfishly wanting to keep them home with me for school?

The short answer, I believe, is no.  I (and they) will be okay.  By the grace of God, we will all be okay.  And on days that I'm not okay, I have support.  My husband.  My parents.  My in-laws.  My friends.  And maybe even a Classical Conversations (CC) community.

After attending a CC open house this morning, I think it could be part of the answer to successful homeschooling for our family.  The rigorous classical curriculum is written on a three year cycle with each age group learning the same content in different ways.  Kids learn terms (really well!) in their younger years, and by the time they are older and go through the content cycle again, they are equipped to learn more deeply.  Communities meet one morning a week throughout the school year with parents serving as tutors.  Kids socialize, experience a school setting, and are accountable to someone other than their parent.  Parents attend with their children, experience community, and collaborate with other parents.  I have more research to do, but this is the way I'm leaning at the moment.

I'm very interested to hear your thoughts on both homeschooling with mental illness and Classical Conversations!